Endometriosis nightmare ... why cant i be 'normal' ?

Laparoscopy

 This last month has been so up and down for me, in pain, bloated, sick, sore, numb, mood swings, exhausted from doing normal everyday activities and headaches as well as other things. Then the next minute there is nothing wrong and I have been on the endo diet and the result is me not being in as much pain but some days i cannot help it or reduce the pain that i experience.

"It makes me feel like a little hermit in a little bubble of Blergh."

It is quite weird because I have been going through being sick and random off things for at least 12 years now and have had random diagnosis's but nothing has really touched it and i do not want to be stuck on pain killers for the rest of my life and the diet is working to some extent BUT.... as i was saying i have been told that i am imagining the pain, or that it is because my bowel is spasmodic and many more guess workings, I have been let down and told different things by Drs and been in a whole whirl wind of emotions with them, one Dr when i was going in for being sick all the time even asked;

''Are there any problems in the family?''

 just because when i was around 15 they told me i had exhausted all the tablets on the market and that there was nothing else they could do!.

 so even though i really do not want Endometriosis (who does?) I want there to be something there so that they can fix 'it'.

 I hate the limbo over the past years of them having no idea what it is actually causing my symptoms and sometimes it seems like they are purely guessing with the diagnosis! with the Endo diagnosis he seemed adamant that it is Endo, adhesions and an over-active bladder, when i got told that i was a little relived to here that it may actually be endo, so i can start on the right way to deal with it!  i am a little less optimistic than i have been previously.

Well anyway, I have had the phone call and my laparoscopy surgery is now Finally set at a date (even though it is a month later than promised!) it is now on the 10th August, When i got the phone call i felt all kinds of emotions because it has become real. Excitement that they may take the pain away finally and i can live normally, Scared of what will be, Worried of the complications and because i spent 4 months in hospital and do not want it to be like that again!!, and then i cried because i was overwhelmed on the phone to my boyfriend.

I was supposed to be having the mirena coil fitted when i have the surgery but i have decided against it and do not want it, all i have been reading are bad reviews, getting stuck in the cervix, imbedded in the walls, constant bleeding, more pain!! and even less of a social life! no thank you!, i do not wish to have these problems and if i do start to bleed heavily the last thing i want is to become anemic due to the diet and then on top of that bleeding too, So no i am telling them that i do not want it. 

On a plus note i have a wedding to go to that i am bridesmaid for!! i am so excited but very anxious because of the pain and sickness and also my lavatory problems! but im going to just go for it! My close friend will only get married once so i WILL be going, no matter what! with everything crossed that it goes smoothly so that i can be there for her and not the other way round! the last thing i want is for her to be worrying about me on her wedding day! 

I will post about how the wedding goes and the operation when they have happened

wishing you a pain free week night!!

xxxxxxx

Russell & Bromley Rockafella Summer Price Drop!!

SALE

Russell & Bromley Famous Biker Boots size 6 more like a 7 and size 3 more like a 4 are up for grabs for a cheaper starting price!!

CLICK HERE FOR THE SIZE 3 ROCKAFELLAS
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Any Questions please keep asking 

xxxx

Work & Breakfast...no rice? reduced pain? yes please!

NO RICE WOOOHOOO!!!

Yesterday I bought some cornflakes and usually they have a little rice flour in and thought
oh well i was wanting some.

So today looked at the ingridients and to my suprise there was no Rice flour!!!
I was over the moon!.

Only made from:

 Maize (92%), Sugar, Salt, Maize Glucose Syrup Powder

so that means that i wont get more pain from eating my morning bowl or dinner or tea.

CORNFLAKES
£2.25

 It is from Sainsburys FreeFrom range called Cornflakes 

I had them whilst doing some work and I had them with 

Hazelnut milk from Alpro

AMAZING 

so i thought i would share with you all 

Have a lovely weekend

xxxxxxx

 

Velveteen Cake With Peanut Cookie Base

 Velveteen Cake With Peanut Cookie Base
Vegan, Gluten Free, Wheat Free, Rice Free, Soya Free, Yeast Free, Caffeine Free, Refined Sugar Free. Endometriosis, Crohns & Celiacs Disease Safe.

Ingridients

Topping:

 Velveteen Cake (Recipe Here)

Base:

Peanut Cookie Base ( Recipe Here) 

First make your Velveteen cake.

Next make your massive cookie.

Use the base of your cake tin to see what size you need to make it. It will spread out on the tin.

Pre-grease the baking tray.

I was feeling artistic so drew a face in mine.

Once you have finished perfecting your own cookie, put it in the oven on gas mark 4 for around 5-10 minutes. 

 When your cookie has cooked take it carefully off the tray straight away and place it on a rack to cool.

Stick it in the fridge with your Velveteen Cake and leave over night.

Take your cookie and velveteen cake out of the fridge.

Turn velveteen cake upside down ontop of the cookie and peel off the foil, you may have to help it with a knife.

Smooth the sides and top over.
There you have it

x x x

Creamy Mushroom Pasta

Creamy Mushroom Pasta

Vegan, Refined Sugar Free, Soya Free, Rice Free, Gluten Free, Wheat Free, Caffeine Free.

Endometriosis. Crohns & Celiac Disease Safe.

Ingridients:

 Corn fusilli (personal portion)

Hazelnut milk 

1 tsp buckwheat flour

3 tsp Tapioca flour

Moroccan shake spice

1 courgette

1/2 romano pepper

1 red onion

1 punet of chestnut mushrooms

Sunflower Pure spread

First of all chop the mushrooms, red onions, courgettes and romano peppers rustically. 

Put a nob of pure spread into a pan and add the chopped veg but not the peppers ontop and put it on a medium heat.

Once the vegetables have boiled down, stir in the Tapioca flour and buckwheat flour. It will begin to get thicker.

Pour in the hazelnut milk just enough to cover your mixture, Stir the mixture continually.

When your sauce has thickened add your moroccan spices.

Turn the heat right down to the lowest setting.

Cook you corn pasta according to the directions on the packet.

 Put your cooked pasta into a bowl.

To finish pour the mixture ontop of your pasta and eat!

x x x

Home Made Chips YUMMY!!!!

Home Made Chips

Vegan, Refined Sugar Free, Soya Free, Rice Free, Gluten Free, Wheat Free, Caffeine Free.

Endometriosis. Crohns & Celiac Disease Safe.

Ingredients:

Potatoes

2 Tbls Grape Seed Oil

Begin by peeling the potatoes then cut them into either wedges, chunky chips, fries or shoestring (if you are that patient!!) 

Once you have those cut put the oven on at gas mark 7. 

Boil the potatoes and once they are done pour your Grape Seed over them.

Now drain them and spread them out onto your baking tray and put them on the top shelf of the oven.

Put your timer on for 20 minutes, once the time is up shuffle your chips, I usually put the ones that look a little anemic at the back of the tray nearest the back of the oven and the cooked ones nearest the front of the tray nearest the oven door.

Leave them for an extra 5-10 minutes checking them to make sure they do not burn.

Then you have lovely golden chips Yum Yum Yum!!

x x x 

Peanut Butter Cookies

Peanut Butter Cookies

Vegan, Gluten Free, Wheat Free, Soya Free, Rice Free, Caffeine Free, Refined Sugar Free, Yeast Free.  Endometriosis, Crohns & Celiacs Disease Safe.

Ingredients:

 6oz Homemade peanut butter

4.5oz Pure Sunflower spread

6oz Unrefined Light Brown Sugar

1/2 tsp Vanilla Paste

1 tsp Baking powder

1/2 tsp xanthan Gum

2 tbls Sorghum flour

2 tbls Coconut Flour

6oz buckwheat flour

1 Tsp tapioca starch
2 Tsp No Egg
2 Tbls Hot water

Pre-heat the oven on gas mark 4.

 Beat the peanut butter and butter together with a wooden spoon until its soft.

Add the sugar and vanilla paste and mix together.

Then add the baking powder, xanthan gum, tapioca, no egg and coconut flour together and beat that also.

 Add the buckwheat flour and hot water and then fold until combined.

Grease a baking tray with the olive spread

Then seperate the mixture into blobs or balls onto your pre-greased baking tray.

Squish your blobs into round cookie shapes.

Put them into the oven for around 10 minutes or until brown. check them 5 minutes in.

Once they are cooked take them off with a fish slice and leave to cool on a rack.

x x x  

Eating out is possible!!

It's just finding the right places

Yesterday I went to this gorgeous granary mill to have my lunch before venturing to shop!

Anyway i wanted to tell you about it because it was gorgeous and i could eat Everything on the plate well bar the bread, it was smoked salmon, mackerel as salad leaves, tomatoes an amazing tomato relish, cabbage salad and a pot of cucumber and onion pickle. 

I had given up on the whole eating out buisness unless its al fresco and i can take my own food, But this was lovely.

take a look for yourselves...I may make it myself.

The relish i am going to try and recreate to have on my pasta! it was gorgeous!

My gorgeous simple salad

The relish was THAT good, I asked for more, flaked my mackerel and mixed the whole pot into it.

 

 I haven't found many places that i can eat in without just eating vegetables and everything else is 

marinated in something i cant eat

I hope you having a pain reduced weekend

xxxxx

My Jungle Animals

ART COLLECTION

I am creating a series of Jungle Animals in a range of scenes. I am quite enjoying getting back into art since I have kind of given up, apart from the occassional wedding present I have designed.

Nothing much has been down on paper, until the other day when i wanted to draw elephants just randomly 

so i did, and now my mind is running wild (literally) with ideas.....I cannot wait to start my next one!!

Here are a few I have finished so far, others have yet to be finished but will be coming soon....

I just had to put the before the hair drawing its quite freaky and halloween-like

  Looks like He's Saying 'UUUUURRRRRGGGGHHHH' 

 Here He is finished...I like him now. i don't know whether hes called:

 'It was this BIG' or 'I want a cwtch'

This  one i drew with a heavier graphite pencil you can't see all the details but you can sort of make it out, 

This one i've called 'My daddy loves me...and i love him'

Simple Gorgeous Healthy Mackerel, mushroom, tomato, pepper 2 second salad

2 Second Salad
Mackerel & Mushroom 
Gluten Free, Wheat Free, Egg Free, Rice Free, Red Meat Free, Dairy Free, Lactose Free, Refined Sugar Free, Soya Free. 
Endometriosis, Crohns & Celiacs Disease Safe.

Ingredients:

1 Piece of Mackerel Fillet (skinned)

4 Cherry on the vine tomatoes

3 chestnut mushrooms

1/4 romano pepper

Mixed Salad Leaves

Drizzle of Olive Oil

Take the skin off your mackerel, and flake the whole fish with a fork until all of it is broken up.

Dizzle the oil over the fish and mash that in with it.

Now chop your mushrooms up rustically, cut your tomatoes into 4, slice your pepper and mix with your leaves.

And Enjoy!

x x x

Beetroot Velveteen Cake

Beetroot Velveteen Cake

Vegan, Wheat Free, Gluten Free, Rice Free, Soya Free, Refined Sugar Free, Yeast Free, Caffeine Free. Endometriosis, Crohns & Celiac Disease Safe. 

                                                         

Ingredients:

 8oz Beetroot Peeled & Cooked  

2 tins of butter beans (still remove the skins)

1 tsp Vanilla Paste

4oz unrefined sugar

2 tbls carob powder

2 dissolved tsp Chicory Coffee

1 tsp baking powder

2 floz Unrefiend Coconut Oil 

Opitonal:

Raspberry & Strawberry Jam (Recipe Here)

Dusting of icing sugar

Pre-heat your oven on gas mark 4.

Line your tins with foil or baking paper.

In a blender put your skinned butter beans and beetroot and blend them together.

You can either transfer your mixture to a bowl or continue using your blender.

Melt your coconut oil and dissolve your chicory powder with 1 Tsp of hot water.

Add the rest of your ingredients and either mix with a wooden spoon or in your blender.









Your mixture should now be a thicker deeper red like tomato puree.

Spoon the mixture evenly into your pre-lined tins.

Place foil loosely over the top to prevent burning.

Place in your pre-heated over at gas mark 4, for 30 minutes.

Take the tin foil off and turn the oven up to gas mark 5 for a further 5-10 minutes.





Leave on the side to cool and set. It is best left in the fridge over night.















Spread your jam on the top or just enjoy as it is.




Sprinkle with Unrefined Icing sugar.

x x x 

The true meaning of the word 'FINE' by 'MY ENDO DIARY'

Click here to go to 'MY ENDO DIARY'

Seriously Go and have a look at this blog! it will tell you a lot about how you are feeling

and show you YOU really are not alone in suffering!

She sums up everyday and the constant battle that she and millions of other woman go through 

every single day!, What we want to do and what we can actually manage in a day is 

completely different, and no matter how hard we try and put on a brave face its never how we used to feel.

Here is one of  her blog posts....

"The true meaning of the word 'FINE'

I'm FINE. How many times a week do you hear yourself answering with that reply? Work colleagues, friends, family asking 'how are you?' My default reply: 'Fine thanks'. That one word to you sums up everything yet when answering, the person enquiring may not understand the full meaning of the word.

F.I.N.E = Frustrated. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional

Frustrated. I'm frustrated that I have endometriosis. Frustrated that I find it so hard to do 'normal' daily things . If I have a busy day today then by tonight or tomorrow I know its going to catch up with me big time! The cramps will come, the pain wil increase. I cannot plan things. There's no exact pattern with endo. It can creep up on you out of the blue. Some days you know straight away it's going to be a bad day. Other days it can be so unexpected it will catch you out. You cannot predict which will be good or bad days. You either just have to say no or take your chances, say yes to a plan and hope you'll be ok. If you're not you end up cancelling last minute..again. That's frustrating. More so is the line 'but you look ok'. Yes, at the moment I may do. But you don't see me curled up on the floor unable to move because cramps are so strong. You don't see me crying and breaking down when the pain is so bad I don't know how I'm going to get through the next wave of pains. You also don't see that I've become a good actress. I may look ok to you but inside the pains are hurting so much I couldnt begin to describe them.

Insecure. I get insecure thinking I'm alone in this. Endo can be a lonely disease. You go through stages where you think pain and extremely heavy periods are normal. Then you realise they're not. But who do you turn to? Who else do you know gets the same symptoms as you? I am so grateful I have an amazing mother and brother who are always there to cheer me up and support me every day. I'm also so thankful that I found my endosisters who know exactly what I go through as they experience it too. On your lowest days you may feel insecure and alone but remember endosisters are always there to chat too. Recently a new endo forum has been set up by an amazing endosister that I recommend having a look at. A place where women with endo can meet, chat and support.. http://endosistersuk.freeforums.org/

Neurotic. I feel like this alot. Before I was first diagnosed I had endless appointments with my doctor. I knew something was wrong, but my doctors at first didn't seem to agree. They said it was just IBS. To go home and change my diet. I knew it was something more but how could I prove it? All the tests and scans were done. Every single one came back clear. I did start to doubt myself. Was I really in that much pain? Yes I was, but endo can't be seen physically. Persistance is needed. If you think there is something wrong you need to voice it. More recently the neurotic feeling is creeping back up on me. I've decided to go for private healthcare and I have an appointment this friday with a specialist. However already im thinking what if he doesnt believe me? What if he thinks it's not as bad as i think it is? If im being stupid going private and should just wait a bit longer? Trying to reason with myself he won't think any of the above. He specialises in endo and has experience.

Emotional. So much so, some days I feel like an emotional wreck. I can go from being in good spirits to feeling so fed up and down in an instant. I can cry for no reason at all and find I can't stop. The mood swings are definately that. Swings. One minute your happy, the next you could scream and shout and scream again. The phrase an emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. It's very tiring.

So the next time someone answers that they are 'fine'...Please remember it is not as straight forward as you think. They know what fine means to them but it would be another exhausting avenue to go down to explain this to others...x"

I Hope you found it as true as i did

& please check her page out!

xxxxxx

My Endometriosis What I am really Feelings Rant......

Endometriosis

What I Really Feel!!!

I remember just being able to get up and GO! but now i cant think of that 'freedom' 

It is much easier to manage now that i have changed my diet and am trying not to eat things with 

oestrogen in aswell as all the other things i am not eating. But the tiniest thing can upset your system! It is so frustrating!!!!

I have an over-active bladder aswel, along with IBS of the digestive system (which i still believe it isn't or maybe i'm in denial, i don't know) but that means drinking too much sets my bladder off, eating the wrong thing sets my bowels off, not drinking enough sets the cystic's pain off, drinking sets off my sickness and over active bladder, eating too much of a 'safe' food sets the pain off, eating sets off sickness and relux disease, taking some medications that help the pain give me constipation which sets the pain off, you just have to constantly be watching things and aware of everything and sometimes you just want a BIG FAT JUICY STEAK with creamy mushroom sauce but in reality: "NO!! what are you thinking??". 

Everything is trial, error and experimentation.

I think to myself i want to work, i want to travel, but everyday is all over the place. I could be fine one minute and in a heap of pain the next! I am scared of long car journeys or places that i have no idea where the toilet is because of the sudden rushes and urges to go the loo and when i need to go i HAVE to go!
But i will slowly but surely be free of it all someday.

I hate cancelling appointments i have made with friends and constantly feeling like i have messed them around not making weddings, coffee meetings, nights out....every social meeting!

I know they say they understand but i feel bad because i want to be there doing the things i was able to before!

When it comes to my boyfriend and my close family they sometimes see the bad side to me (which i wish wasn't there) sometimes you can't help but 'snap', my boyfriend gets the most of it though every day my mood changes towards him and he has no idea where i am going to be which stupid mood ill be in, it's like permanent PMT with happy loony bin added in the middle...I feel guilty most days!, magically my boyfriend, my family and my close friends truely understand, it is amazing and I love them dearly.

I am hoping that it will get sorted with my lapascopy but with being messed around for the 4 months whilst in hospital and all i really got was a whole lot of drugged up, pain, relapses, extreme ups and serious downs, green sick, C.Diff and so on....I do not have much hope in hospitals/Drs anymore. I used to get so optomistic about every little find they told me about but then everything would come back "it's was.... just nothing". Even my C.Diff didn't seem like a big deal the "seen it, done it" attitude was always apparent.

Where has bed side manner, sympathy and compasion gone from Dr's?

Confused/puzzled is what i think every single day, i never think 'oh, why me?' because millions of women go through worse than me every day!, but i get confused as to 'why does this food/medication upset me' or 'how come i have eaten everything on my 'safe' list but where have these bad pains and oh god awful smells come from?' or 'what did i do THIS time to set it off?' 'Bloated again!!!!' it is a mystery! but one i seriously want to crack! 

BUT....Still all Smiles and Fingers are tightly crossed!!!!  

 

''TRY & STAY POSITIVE''

xxxxx

INSANITY WORKOUT BEACHBODY JOURNEY BEFORE PHOTOS

INSANITY

"Every Accomplishment starts with the decision to try"

    I bought the Shaun T Insanity workout about 2 months ago and basically put it on to see what it was like then just thought about it and put it off.

    With not being well most days and feeling quite sick today, today maybe wasn't the best time to be starting the programme!!

    But i thought maybe i will feel better after doing some REAL exercise! I didn't anticipate how hard this workout really is! But i want to get Fit....toned and physically fit and see if it helps with my day to day feelings of sluggishness, pain and sickness.

    I exercise, but in the form of walking but i do not think this is enough.

    Most people that do this workout buy the Shakeology nutrition aswell but i didn't as I am on a strict diet as it is because of not eating wheat, dairy, gluten, red meats, soya, rice, carbonated drinks and alcohol  it really doesn't agree with my body. So i think i will just eat the same as i am and carry on with the programme, I think i have a little too much junk food in my diet which consists of free from gluten, wheat and dairy orange and vanilla cake, biscuits, nuts and chunky chips (UK) they aren't great for the pain, like everyone else I have my comfort foods.

    So before i started i felt a little sick and i had done for the past 3 days but thats just how it is.

Take this into account if you are comparing results as I am sure you will all manage better than me on your first attempts.

Ok so here it goes..........

 DAY 1: FIT TEST

Switch Kicks: - 99

                           - 2 Min Rest

Power Squats: - 50

                           - 5 Min Rest - Throat started hurting (need to sort my breathing out)

Power Knees: - 91

                           - 3 Min Rest - I was sick & Shakey (So unfit!!)

Power Jumps: -25

                           - 5 Mins Rest - Shakey & Out of breath 

Around The world: - 10

                           - 2 Mins Rest - Very Shakey - but felt easier

Suicide Jumps: - 6

                           - 2 Mins Rest - Hard!!!! - Out of breath but I felt ok 

Push-Up Jacks: - 9 

                           - I was sick, Dizzy and sat down for ages 

    So annoyed that i didn't finish and there was only 1 more to go!!!

    I couldn't carry on and pushed myself to my limit, I felt awful for around 20 Mins then had a shower (maybe not the best when you feel dizzy aswel) after that had a lay down and started to feel really good I don't feel as sick, I have a little headache but i think that is to do with being sick and dehydration.

    All in all it is a hard workout especially if you are like me and you haven't done much exercise for a long time. But it is worth it....I am going to keep pushing myself and hopefully it will become easier with time!

 59 Days to go....

DAY 2 TOMORROW!!!!!!!!

Lets see if that bodes well

 DAY: 1
BEFORE PHOTOS
no breathing in

If you want to have a go at this insane workout 

Click on the link below:

 BEACHBODY

 or you can search youtube and follow other people doing the workout

just seach insanity day 1