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Monday, 9 July 2012

The true meaning of the word 'FINE' by 'MY ENDO DIARY'

Click here to go to 'MY ENDO DIARY'

Seriously Go and have a look at this blog! it will tell you a lot about how you are feeling
and show you YOU really are not alone in suffering!

She sums up everyday and the constant battle that she and millions of other woman go through 
every single day!, What we want to do and what we can actually manage in a day is 
completely different, and no matter how hard we try and put on a brave face its never how we used to feel.

Here is one of  her blog posts....

"The true meaning of the word 'FINE'

I'm FINE. How many times a week do you hear yourself answering with that reply? Work colleagues, friends, family asking 'how are you?' My default reply: 'Fine thanks'. That one word to you sums up everything yet when answering, the person enquiring may not understand the full meaning of the word.

F.I.N.E = Frustrated. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional

Frustrated. I'm frustrated that I have endometriosis. Frustrated that I find it so hard to do 'normal' daily things . If I have a busy day today then by tonight or tomorrow I know its going to catch up with me big time! The cramps will come, the pain wil increase. I cannot plan things. There's no exact pattern with endo. It can creep up on you out of the blue. Some days you know straight away it's going to be a bad day. Other days it can be so unexpected it will catch you out. You cannot predict which will be good or bad days. You either just have to say no or take your chances, say yes to a plan and hope you'll be ok. If you're not you end up cancelling last minute..again. That's frustrating. More so is the line 'but you look ok'. Yes, at the moment I may do. But you don't see me curled up on the floor unable to move because cramps are so strong. You don't see me crying and breaking down when the pain is so bad I don't know how I'm going to get through the next wave of pains. You also don't see that I've become a good actress. I may look ok to you but inside the pains are hurting so much I couldnt begin to describe them.

Insecure. I get insecure thinking I'm alone in this. Endo can be a lonely disease. You go through stages where you think pain and extremely heavy periods are normal. Then you realise they're not. But who do you turn to? Who else do you know gets the same symptoms as you? I am so grateful I have an amazing mother and brother who are always there to cheer me up and support me every day. I'm also so thankful that I found my endosisters who know exactly what I go through as they experience it too. On your lowest days you may feel insecure and alone but remember endosisters are always there to chat too. Recently a new endo forum has been set up by an amazing endosister that I recommend having a look at. A place where women with endo can meet, chat and support..

Neurotic. I feel like this alot. Before I was first diagnosed I had endless appointments with my doctor. I knew something was wrong, but my doctors at first didn't seem to agree. They said it was just IBS. To go home and change my diet. I knew it was something more but how could I prove it? All the tests and scans were done. Every single one came back clear. I did start to doubt myself. Was I really in that much pain? Yes I was, but endo can't be seen physically. Persistance is needed. If you think there is something wrong you need to voice it. More recently the neurotic feeling is creeping back up on me. I've decided to go for private healthcare and I have an appointment this friday with a specialist. However already im thinking what if he doesnt believe me? What if he thinks it's not as bad as i think it is? If im being stupid going private and should just wait a bit longer? Trying to reason with myself he won't think any of the above. He specialises in endo and has experience.

Emotional. So much so, some days I feel like an emotional wreck. I can go from being in good spirits to feeling so fed up and down in an instant. I can cry for no reason at all and find I can't stop. The mood swings are definately that. Swings. One minute your happy, the next you could scream and shout and scream again. The phrase an emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. It's very tiring.

So the next time someone answers that they are 'fine'...Please remember it is not as straight forward as you think. They know what fine means to them but it would be another exhausting avenue to go down to explain this to others...x"

I Hope you found it as true as i did
& please check her page out!


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