Endometriosis
What I Really Feel!!!
I remember just being able to get up and GO! but now i cant think of that 'freedom'
It is much easier to manage now that i have changed my diet and am trying not to eat things with
oestrogen in aswell as all the other things i am not eating. But the tiniest thing can upset your system! It is so frustrating!!!!
I have an over-active bladder aswel, along with IBS of the digestive system (which i still believe it isn't or maybe i'm in denial, i don't know) but that means drinking too much sets my bladder off, eating the wrong thing sets my bowels off, not drinking enough sets the cystic's pain off, drinking sets off my sickness and over active bladder, eating too much of a 'safe' food sets the pain off, eating sets off sickness and relux disease, taking some medications that help the pain give me constipation which sets the pain off, you just have to constantly be watching things and aware of everything and sometimes you just want a BIG FAT JUICY STEAK with creamy mushroom sauce but in reality: "NO!! what are you thinking??".
Everything is trial, error and experimentation.
I think to myself i want to work, i want to travel, but everyday is all over the place. I could be fine one minute and in a heap of pain the next! I am scared of long car journeys or places that i have no idea where the toilet is because of the sudden rushes and urges to go the loo and when i need to go i HAVE to go!
But i will slowly but surely be free of it all someday.
But i will slowly but surely be free of it all someday.
I hate cancelling appointments i have made with friends and constantly feeling like i have messed them around not making weddings, coffee meetings, nights out....every social meeting!
I know they say they understand but i feel bad because i want to be there doing the things i was able to before!
When it comes to my boyfriend and my close family they sometimes see the bad side to me (which i wish wasn't there) sometimes you can't help but 'snap', my boyfriend gets the most of it though every day my mood changes towards him and he has no idea where i am going to be which stupid mood ill be in, it's like permanent PMT with happy loony bin added in the middle...I feel guilty most days!, magically my boyfriend, my family and my close friends truely understand, it is amazing and I love them dearly.
I am hoping that it will get sorted with my lapascopy but with being messed around for the 4 months whilst in hospital and all i really got was a whole lot of drugged up, pain, relapses, extreme ups and serious downs, green sick, C.Diff and so on....I do not have much hope in hospitals/Drs anymore. I used to get so optomistic about every little find they told me about but then everything would come back "it's was.... just nothing". Even my C.Diff didn't seem like a big deal the "seen it, done it" attitude was always apparent.
Where has bed side manner, sympathy and compasion gone from Dr's?
Confused/puzzled is what i think every single day, i never think 'oh, why me?' because millions of women go through worse than me every day!, but i get confused as to 'why does this food/medication upset me' or 'how come i have eaten everything on my 'safe' list but where have these bad pains and oh god awful smells come from?' or 'what did i do THIS time to set it off?' 'Bloated again!!!!' it is a mystery! but one i seriously want to crack!
BUT....Still all Smiles and Fingers are tightly crossed!!!!
''TRY & STAY POSITIVE''
xxxxx
No comments:
Post a Comment